Dismissed Forthwith

“Father…”

Raphael sits in his usual spot, hunched over, staring at the ground.

“I…I don’t know what to do.”

His face is impassive, with a hint of sadness.

“I told her…I told her that it didn’t matter, I told her a couple of times. I think I was trying not only to convince her, but myself. I needed to believe it myself that it was alright, that it didn’t matter. However, once I was left to my own thoughts, I could only think of how it changed everything.”

He shuffles a bit, but keeps his overall posture.

“She was a spy, Father. A spy. One who makes their living on deceit.”

He pulls his flask from his chest pocket.

“I had joked about picking drinking back up. I had stopped a week or so ago. I had thought I was finally ready to face everything. I was wrong.”

He unscrews the cap and takes a long drink, the almost forgotten flavor once again flowing over his tongue.

“I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know what to believe. A spy? To still be here after her clandestine activities, she has to be good at lying. Well versed in deception. I mean, she could have been anything, Father, anything, and it would have been better than this.”

He takes another sip and closes his eyes as he is reunited with his old friend.

“She could have been a pirate, a noble, a mass murderer….anything other than a deceiver. Anything. Now…now I don’t know what to believe. I don’t know what’s real with her. What’s false.”

He sighs heavily and rests his forehead on his hand as he stares at the ground. He shakes his head, not knowing any other way to put it.

“The whole situation is fucked now.”

He sits back upright and leans against the wall.

“While that is definitely what’s weighing on me most at this moment, I do have other problems. The Commander’s problem, which has become my own most recently, is keeping me from other pursuits I would rather be taking part in. I find myself beginning to hate the Commander now, Father. Hate him for getting me involved. For involving Shalee. For taking my time, my very way of life, from me. How she worries for him when he has destroyed her peace of mind, I have no idea.”

He exhales slowly in a long sigh.

“Sometimes I can’t stand her.”

He takes another sip from his flask as he stares at the ceiling.

“I still need to investigate that message I got so many weeks ago. I need to investigate my mother. But I no longer have the time. I certainly can’t poke around when I need to constantly watch over my shoulder.”

Taking another drink, he continues.

“The Commander isn’t the only higher-up I’m starting to find my faith lacking in. I once held the Captain in high regard. I once had the utmost respect for her. Obviously, the sentiment wasn’t returned.”

His shoulders sag as he heaves his third sigh, and he frowns as frustration creeps in.

“She caught Shalee and I arguing. We eventually had to feed her our charade, that we were a couple now. That we were dating. The Captain came back at us with a threat to tell the Admiralty. I tried to calm her down, ease her frustration. She called me an abuser. She accused me of abusing Shalee. The only thing I had done, anywhere close to that, was grab Shalee’s arm. I didn’t even grip it tight, only firm.”

He takes another sip.

“If the Captain thinks that I am so low as to beat a woman, she must have no respect for me at all. Why should I bother to give her any?”

He scoffs.

“She threatened to tell the Admiralty. To bring the fake relationship under scrutiny, to determine if either Shalee or I were acceptable for the Praetoria. If such an inquiry were to come to light, I would hang the Commander out to dry. Shalee might give up her career in the Praetoria for him, but I will not. My patience with him, and with her, is wearing thin.”

He pauses for a second.

“It seems I can trace all my current problems back to the Commander.”

Raphael stands up, turning his head to speak one last remark.

“I need room. I just need space to sort all this out, and I won’t. I won’t have it until he’s either back…or he’s dead.”