Third Strike

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

Raphael kept his head low, looking at his boots.

“I need your help, Father, I have no idea what I should do. I feel as if I’m making another mistake.”

He sighs, sitting back on the stone chair, his head back looking at the sky.

“Loyalty is very important to me, Father. I pride myself on being there for people through thick and thin. Being someone you can depend on."

He sits upright.

"Take this for example. I went on a reconnaissance mission with another Praetorian into the unknown. Right in the middle of an engagement with the 'sleepers,' some enterprising outlaw finds us a nice target. Disrupting the warp drive of my comrade in an Abaddon, he traps him. My Prophecy-class battlecruiser cannot withstand the withering fire of the sleepers and his heavy interdictor, and I have to warp off."

He says the next part slowly, emphasizing.

"But I don't run away."

"I continue to come back, even as my ship melts and I almost lose it. I was not going to leave that pilot there to die. He was another Praetorian, a wingmate. Our communications were text only, I have no idea who he is, but I'm not going to leave him. Eventually, we are able to scare the interdictor off, and we escape."

His tone changes.

"However, I’ve made my mistakes. Committed my…betrayals.”

He sits in silence for a few minutes, gathering his thoughts.

“The first one, of course, was Gabriel. He still doesn’t know that it was an accident, but that it was me. He’s still one of my greatest friends, and I haven’t told him. I wouldn’t know where to begin telling him. I didn’t tell him before because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. How could I possibly tell him now? I can’t even forgive myself for it, how could I expect him to? I still work with the guilt.”

He shifts uncomfortably on the chair.

“The second was Nephanie. I betrayed her trust in me in a moment of weakness. I betrayed the relationship we had. Now that she’s dead, I have no chance for atonement. She forgave me but like a fool I never forgave myself, keeping me from her, and I feel responsible for her death.”

He puts his hand over his eye and drags it downward, wiping his face.

“I continue to sin against her to this day, betraying her over and over.”

Raphael reaches down and palms his flask through the lining of his pocket, lingering for a second before deciding against it and dropping his hand.

“The third….well I was all wrong about the third.”

He shakes his head.

“I had thought I was going to betray an old friend…but I betrayed a new one. We had just become friends as well, after a long history of animosity, we reached a concord. However…”

He sighs heavily, a frown forming on his face.

“…now I feel as if there is no hope. That there will never be a friendship now.”

He shifts uncomfortably again.

“The accusation I made…it was a serious one. I don’t expect her to forgive me; I don’t think I’ll forgive me.”

Raphael frowns, remembering what happened.

“I mean, it seemed like that was what was going on. Her history of trouble, her strange behavior recently, the friends” he spits this last word out, “she keeps. She keeps plenty of less-than-desirable company.”

He groans, frustrated.

“She dragged me to this godforsaken station on the edge of civilization the other day. To my chagrin, it’s infested with reds. She had a grand time conversing with them, and seeing me absolutely miserable in their presence.”
He bangs his fist on the wall in frustration.

“There was even this damn Matari outlaw who thought he’d play at being a gentleman and telling me to leave, just because I was asking Shalee to leave the place. If I hadn’t had my weapons confiscated and things had gone just a bit more poorly, God knows what would have happened.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“I know what you’re thinking. Why didn’t I just leave Shalee there to rot with her no good friends? Well, I had to stay. I’ve been ordered to keep track of her, to make sure she stays safe. It was that same night that I betrayed her, accused her of being a spy, that I was ordered to stay by her side. This will either give me a chance to atone, or rend us apart forever.”

His face grows sour.

“I find myself beginning to hate the Commander.”

Raphael runs his fingers through his hair. After a few seconds he continues.

“It seems I’m only increasing my debt, instead of working it off as I had hoped. I still believe the Praetoria is my best chance to serve. My best chance at redeeming myself in God’s eyes.”

He sits back in the chair, leaning his head back against the wall.

“Thank God I became a capsuleer before starting to repay my debt. I think if I hadn’t, I would have been delivered into his hands long before I felt worthy.”

He stands up and makes his way over to the door, stopping for a moment before moving on.

“It’s a good thing I have forever now, Father. I think that’s how long it’s going to take.”