Second Chance

Taking his usual seat, Raphael makes a sign of blessing over himself before speaking.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

He sighs slightly before continuing.

“This can be so hard sometimes. Lying yourself out, letting someone see everything. I guess that’s why I chose you, Father. I know I can speak in complete confidence, and I have a feeling you don’t judge me one bit."

He pauses momentarily before continuing.

“It’s not going as fast as I had hoped. I fear I may be working off my debt for eternity.”

He pauses to reach for his flask, but hesitates, and ultimately leaves it in his pocket.

“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it. I don’t enjoy the failure I sometimes see, but that cannot be helped. Only God is perfect, and we just stumble along, hoping to reach as close to perfection as we can, but it will forever be out of our reach.”

He lets out a single laugh.

“Such is the fate of man. Second Best.”

Raphael smiles.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care to be the best. Too much pressure. I just want to serve my time, do my part. I believe myself to be a righteous man. I say my prayers, offer my assets, and now, my life. I hope God finds me a suitable servant.”

He goes silent for a moment, before letting out a small laugh.

“When you saw me walk in here, Father, did you know I was so troubled?”

Raphael sits in silence.

“Your silence says it all. It is true, I carry my burdens, but who has none to bear? Even the nobles see their own share of troubles, I reckon. Perhaps not much, but hopefully enough to keep them occupied. I just don’t let them affect my work.”

He pauses for a second, considering.

“Actually, I guess nothing could be farther from the truth. My burdens are my reasons for joining the Crusade in the first place. They are my reason for continuing, and sadly, picking up more along the way.”

He looks down at the flask that he had subconsciously gotten out, and ponders it for a second, before absently running his hand over the bloodied patch on his arm.

“But it’s the trials you go through that make you who you are, no? I like to think I am a good man. I am sure there are those that disagree; you can’t be liked by everyone.”

Raphael falls silent, speaking only after a few minutes have elapsed.

“Not long ago, I received news from an old friend that my mother had gone missing. He believes she was taken by someone, for what reason he does not know.”

He rolls the flask over and over in his hands.

“I haven’t seen her in a long time. She didn’t live on the station with my father and I. She was always out travelling, making business contacts. I talked to her a couple times over the video comms, but I can’t say we were ever close. However…”

He unscrews the cap of the flask, and shakes it lightly, swirling the contents.

“…she is my mother, and to be taken from her home, it’s definitely not some routine attack by pirates or some such. I wonder if she was taken by someone she ran afoul of…or someone I have.”

He brings the flask to his lips, but hesitates.

“I think I’ve caused enough trouble for my lifetime, and now, it may have endangered my mother.”

He takes a drink, swirling the whiskey in his mouth before swallowing.

“Of course, it could be something completely unrelated. Perhaps her own trouble caught up to her. Nonetheless…I will look into it. I owe my mother a great deal.”

He screws the cap back on, but keeps the flask in his hands.

“I just can’t stand the thought of another one, Father. Nephanie…”

He runs his hand over the patch.

“The Chaplain…”
He looks over the church through the door.

“Ariel…”

He rubs the flask with his thumbs as he cradles it in his hands.

“And now, possibly, my mother. I just hope I’m wrong, Father. I hope my friend is wrong. I hope she’s safe somewhere.”

He falls silent for a minute before standing.

“I know I didn’t really confess too much, Father, but I can’t stay. I need to go and try to find something, anything. Too many times, Father. I don’t know how I’d handle another one.”
Raphael walks out of the church, his steps heavy on the worn stone floor.