Ate Up

The door creaked shut behind Raphael as he entered the abandoned chapel. The floor boards groaned as he walked hesitantly down the main aisle, looking uncomfortable. His eyes stayed fixed on the altar, however, his hands staying locked at his sides as if he were afraid to touch anything. Once he reached the end of the aisle, he stood there for a second, considering his actions; wondering if it was the right thing to do.

“Lord,” he starts, casting his eyes up above the altar, almost looking towards the ceiling. “I know we didn’t part on the best of terms, and honestly, I’m still not entirely sure about the whole thing, but…”

He drops to a knee, holding his eyes on the invisible point. “…I need your help.”

Raphael is silent for a few seconds, as if allowing for a response.

“I’m afraid.”

He casts his eyes downward, as if slightly ashamed at admitting to it.

“I’ve just come back from another long leave of absence, without any word from her, though I made sure to send her updates, let her know I was alright.”

He stays quiet for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts.

“After what happened the last time I was gone…”

His eyes search the ground as he thinks about it.

“…I’m afraid of what I’ll find this time.”

He looks back up above the altar. “Six weeks, and not a single word from her, though I sent her messages since the first week.”

He looks beseechingly at the invisible deity. “Are you testing my faith, God? In you? In her?”

He frowns slightly.

“I’m afraid of what I might come back to, afraid of what kept her from contacting me.”

Raphael pauses for a moment before continuing.

“Six weeks. No reply.”

Raphael drops his other knee and sits back on top of his heels.

“After what I heard the last time I came back, what am I to expect from six weeks without a single reply?”

He runs his hands through his hair.

“She sent me on this assignment. This was a personal favor to her. I went well out of my way to help her, and what does she do? She ignores me for six weeks.”

Sighing, he continues.

“Perhaps she was trying to get me out of the way. Maybe I’m a fool for leaving again.”

Looking back up at his invisible point above the altar, he looks lost.

“I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I don’t want to go rushing to the wrong conclusion…but she doesn’t give me anything to put faith into. I find her sleeping at her ex-boyfriend’s place, and then she sends me away a week later…”

He shakes his head slightly.

“Maybe I was a fool to go. She sends me away after staying at her ex’s place, and then ignores me for six weeks. What am I to gather from this? What am I to think?”

Raphael lets out a slight distressed laugh.

“I’m sure she’ll claim it to be some innocent thing. That she was too busy for six weeks to talk to her fiancé. That she didn’t have time at all to send even a single word.”

He frowns slightly.

“She can be such a child.”

After sitting silently for a few moments, Raphael climbs to his feet. He takes a long look at the structure around him.

“Well, time to go find out what’s wrong.”

He begins walking to the exit, still talking as he does so.

“Please Lord, help me.”

His footfall echoed slightly as he makes his way to the exit just as he had entered the chapel: hesitant.

“I need to stop speculating and go see what has actually happened, but…”

He walks the rest of the aisle in silence, stopping only as he reaches the doorway. He turns to look over his shoulder at the altar again.

“…I’m afraid.”