Severance

Raphael’s footsteps were heavy as he entered into the aging Amarrian cathedral. The place was empty, quiet except for the sounds of his movement. Dust swirled at his feet, glittering when floating through the sunbeams that shone through the high windows. Stopping as he reaches the front row of pews, he takes a step to the left, collapsing backwards and taking a seat.

“I can’t believe it.”

Raphael stares at his feet for a few moments longer before continuing.

“Is this a punishment, God?”

Heaving a heavy sigh, he looks up above the altar.

“Do you no longer wish for my services? Do you no longer wish for my happiness? To take both from me…”

There are a few moments of silence before his voice fills the church once again.

“What have I done? What sin did I commit that you wish to take both my redemption and my happiness from me?”

As no answer comes, Raphael continues.

“Why did she go, Lord? What made her think it was okay? Even if nothing happened….no, I don’t believe anything happened…but still, to go there, not once, but more so….”

He slumps a bit in the seat as he holds his eyes on a point hovering above the altar.

“I return, and she has nothing but bad news for me…”

He closes his eyes slowly, holding them so for a second before opening them again.

“To sleep at the apartment of an old-boyfriend…one who still holds feelings for her…”

His face contorts into a frown.

“She says she did not want to be alone while I was gone. So she goes to the place of her first love. How…how am I to interpret this? What possible conclusion am I supposed to come to? Does she still hold feelings for him? Is he her comfort?”

He glowers at the invisible point.

“It was shortly after her break-up with him that the Commander ordered us to stick together because of some invisible threat. It was a time of great stress for both of us. Is that how it came to happen? Is she with me because I just happened to be there? Am I some sort of consolation prize?”

His voice grows bitter.

“And now, while I was gone, when she has an excuse, she goes back to him? The pirate? Does she no longer need her temporary crutch? Was I just a bandage to cover a wound, a bandage to be discarded after it has healed?”

Venom begins to drip from his every word as he stands, his hands clenched tightly in fists, his breathing growing more rapid.

“Is that it, God? Am I of no use anymore!? No use to her, no use to you!?”

He whirls around, kicking his foot out at his previous seat, the ancient wood splintering.

“Am I not to be redeemed God?! Have you doomed me already!? No more love, no more redemption!?!”

His chest heaving, the anger begins to leave his face, exhaustion from his long trip overtaking him. Sitting himself down, back against the altar, his eyelids begin to droop slightly.

“Stripped of my commission, stripped of my fiancé…what do I have now, God? What have you left me with?”

Again his inquiries are unmet, the only sound answering his cries being the slowing of his breathing.

“What is your plan for me now, God?”

His voice drops to a mere whisper.

“Or have you abandoned me?”

His eyes roam around the church, looking over the old stone walls, the faded stained glass, the rotting floor boards, and the shattered remains of the ancient pew.

“Abandoned…”

Eventually his eyelids grow too heavy, and a troubled, exhausted sleep overtakes him.